GEORGETOWN – After Georgetown’s Lecture Fund announced an event next Monday featuring a moderated conversation with leaders of The Satanic Temple, Georgetown Catholic Ministry responded by announcing their own counter event: a prayer service.

Historically, prayer has offered a very effective solution to many problems in American society: gun violence, natural disasters, and pedophile priests. So there is little reason to think this prayer service will be anything short of super effective. Many experts expect it may even cause The Satanic Temple to cease to exist.

“Prayer as a tactic for change has a flawless record of success. In fact, anytime someone you know says they’re praying for something and the issue doesn’t immediately resolve itself, you can be one-hundred percent sure that person was either lying to you, or in a state of mortal sin,” said Fr. Bosco of Georgetown University.