WASHINGTON – Former Vice President Mike Pence announced today that he is prematurely terminating his presidential campaign. After struggling to gain a foothold in the polls, due to what political analysts call “having nothing to offer,” Pence decided against bringing his campaign to a four year term, and will return to his home in Indiana to spend more time with his children and mother-wife.

The following is an excerpt from Pence’s statement: “It became clear that my campaign was simply not viable. I realized that attempting to deliver myself to the presidency was no longer something I wanted, nor something anyone who votes wanted. Ultimately, I had to respect the people’s right to choose, and abort my campaign.”