“He’s just… bad for our brand,” said Adolf, 56, regarding Kanye West’s recent antisemitic Twitter resurgence. “We’ve spent decades—almost a century!—trying to systemize, strategize, and dehumanize, and then he pulls this shit with a 10-second Super Bowl ad? Fuck that. Talk to me when you can spell Zyklon B.”

“It’s not that we didn’t try to collaborate—He was on our influencer payroll for a while,” chipped in Joe Goebbels, 47. “But we tend to lean towards a more red and black theme. The color grading of his t-shirt in only white and black washes us out. You know, that Aryan complexion. Doesn’t do well with a bright white jersey knit. Anyway, our next merch drop was set to include more comfort colors, crewnecks, and g-strings. And this just totally went against his contract.”

Adolf spoke again, saying, “He just makes us look tasteless and unfashionable. Do you have any idea how many years it took to come up with the name Brownshirts? AND THEN HE SELLS A FUCKING WHITE SHIRT?! Unbelievable. Abominable. Barbaric.” Goebbels nodded enthusiastically in agreement. The two then dapped each other up. 

Goebbels and Hitler closed out the interview by telling the Heckler that they now have new influencer spots on their roster, asking if we had any interest in a future collaboration. Due to our contract, we cannot confirm or deny the outcome.