What gives? I walk into Vital Vittles for exactly what it’s for – vital vittles – and you say to me that you DON’T have the newest 3-speed super suction Fleshlight®, and that you want me to leave the grounds immediately, and that it’s the fifteenth night in a row I’ve accosted the cashier and […]

THE FOURTH PLAIN OF SORROWS — I recently had the privilege of interviewing Georgetown’s first-ever extradimensional student (unless my ex finally admits that she’s a malicious entity inhabiting a human body, Emma). As Georgetown’s premier news publication, The Heckler was summoned to a location beyond spacetime itself to cover a very pressing matter. Here’s how […]