Former President Obama was dealt a crushing blow last Tuesday when he was defeated by Mitt Romney in the only election that counted: the one in our hearts. Though losing by a wide margin in the electoral college, Mitt Romney managed to capture a majority of sentiments on Tuesday, garnering every kind of support except votes.

Many voters cited their emotional support for Romney as a smaller part of their larger connection to the Republican nominee.

“I don’t pay federal income tax, so I’m part of the 47 percent,” one elderly voter said. “I gotta say, my heart just went out to the guy. How can that man be so strong when people like me mooch off the system?”

Others were equally sympathetic.

“When Mitt reminded us that he was unemployed, my heart just melted,” another voter said. “To deny a man the job that he’s been applying to for seven years seems almost inhumane.”

Romney will still not be given a key to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., as such a “gift” is reserved for minorities and women who want things handed to them.