RED SQUARE—With GUSA Senate elections under way, candidates have been stepping up their campaigning methods. While flyering around campus and in common rooms continues to dominate empty wall space, freshman candidate Stephen Ford (COL ’18) has reportedly taped himself to the wall in Red Square in an attempt to garner support from passing freshmen.
Ford, in the lower right, was accidentally included in a University brochure photo yesterday.
Ford explained that he took such drastic action because “felt that this was the best way to be recognized” amid the sea of cheesy posters.
Witnesses reported that Ford has spent most of his time on the wall shouting his campaign platform, which includes more flex dollars, expanded free speech areas, and begging passing students to scratch his nose, which he claimed had been itching for “like six hours.”
His close friend and campaign manager Harvey Baldwin (COL ’18) explained the rationale for the idea which he claimed credit for.
“I wanted people to be able to put a face to a name,” Baldwin stated. “Not like a printed face, like a live physical face. I think prospective voters will love Stephen’s commitment to winning the election. I don’t see any other candidates risking their life to win the election.”
Other candidates were shocked at Ford’s boldness. Christine Seeger (COL, ’18), also running in the Harbin-Darnall district, said that she is “legitimately worried about his safety. I think he ought to come down right now from such prime real estate which isn’t covered by my posters.”
GERMS has released a statement saying that they will be on stand-by should Ford’s vital functions give out at some point before the polls close.
Some campaigns were furious at Ford’s ingenuity. “That’s so smart, why didn’t I think of that?” complained Alex Cushing (COL ’18), as he printed out 600 last minute campaign flyers to post in the dorms.
Several candidates other candidates were reported tearing down Ford’s posters, arguing that it’s “not like he can do anything about it now.”
“It’s not that bad. Nobody said campaigning was easy,” said Ford, between bites of a spider that happened to crawl onto his face.
