After a fire was reported in a townhouse on the 3400 block of Prospect, residents were mystified by the lack of official help.

The bar in question, which actually does not serve as a water source for the fire department.

As flames engulfed the building, the only visible aid came from two students who attempted to pour half drunk beers on the fire, and one extremely drunk girl who spit on the flames multiple times before deeming the endeavor fruitless and went back to yelling “who wants to do shots?”

Upon later arrival and subsequent investigation by the Fire Department, it was discovered the department mistook Rhino Bar and Pumphouse for a source of industrial amounts of water to feed their hoses.

In a statement from rookie firefighter Tommy Denton, “Listen man, get off my case, I’m already getting it hard from the guys. I’ve never actually been in Rhino. I’m not a hot girl and my fake is no good. Last time I trust yelp reviews to find a water source.”

According to bystanders, the firefighters were delayed before even entering the drinking establishment after the bouncer refused two veteran fighters from even entering the bar based on questionable identification.

Firefighter Tommy Jefferson said, “The guy was really mean about it. He asked me all of my information. Twice. Then he let in three scantily clad young ladies before declaring my ID a fake and throwing it into M st. I’m 47 and balding!”

After realizing the error of their destination, firefighters attempted to fill buckets from behind the bar and enlist bystanders to hand them along in a line to the house.

Bystanders declined aiding the endeavor with responses varying from, “No way man, we’re next on the table,” to “You think that helmet and moustache makes you better than me?!”
Ultimately, the townhouse has been condemned. In order to ease community tensions, Rhino has offered a night of drink specials. Unconfirmed reports have circulated that the specials will consist of $9 Bud Lights and $12 Tequila shooters, an estimated 30% markdown.