WHITE-GRAVENOR — Citing a need to “modernize” their class registration system, Georgetown Vice President of Student Affairs Todd Olson announced plans this morning to replace the University Registrar’s current Magic 8 Ball, known internally as, “The Decider,” with a newer model.

“It has become clear that the registrar’s current Magic 8 Ball simply cannot handle the workload that comes with preregistration,” said Olson. “Accepting this reality, President DeGioia and I have decided to purchase the newest, 1997 version at Toys ‘R’ Us for the reasonable price of $11.99.”

Though Olson declined to comment on any specific, performance-related issues of “The Decider,” sources close to the University Registrar point to an incident during the last preregistration cycle that is said to have ended the Magic 8 Ball’s nearly sixty-year stint with the university.

“A registrar official was following the normal procedure of looking at a student’s requests and asking the Magic 8 Ball class-by-class if they should be granted a seat,” said one source. “Apparently, the Magic 8 Ball kept reading, ‘Better not tell you now,’ over and over again. Words were exchanged and the Magic 8 Ball was thrown. That’s all I can say.”

Olson vehemently denied the incident, instead pointing to a more amicable departure.

“Magic 8 Balls, like people, get old, and simply can’t do their jobs anymore,” said Olson. “Humans get gray hair, Magic 8 Balls run out of dye. It’s that simple.”

The newer model, which according to Olson will cut down on “ambiguous responses,” is expected to make its debut during the summer before the start of the 2015-2016 academic year.

“It’s a new era for our preregistration system,” Olson said. “But students shouldn’t worry because not everything is changing. MyDegree Audit and MyAccess are here to stay, you can count on that!”

At press time, eyewitness reports indicated that “The Decider” had made its way to Leo’s where it appeared to have taken control of menu setting.