VILLAGE A – Describing it as “an exasperating, perpetual burden,” self-important Hunter Rudolph (MSB ’16) reported suffering altitude sickness due to the high pedestal on which he places himself. Shortness of breath, nausea, headache, and tiredness are all symptoms that Rudolph claims to have experienced.

“I’m not one to complain. This comes with the territory of being so important that the world seems to revolve around you,” said Rudolph. “But still, occasionally I find myself asking, ‘why do bad things happen to such great people?’”

“I think what he’s doing is really brave,” reported Rudolph’s roommate Jake Schmidt (SFS ’16). “The guy has so many responsibilities with all of his classes, all of the clubs he is an active participant in, and of course, intramural sports. But he knows that only a lesser man would sit around and be beaten by this affliction. Hunter carries on.”

“I find motivation in the scores of people who I know are counting on me to keep up with all of the valuable things that I do,” explained Rudolph. “It’s truly a tragic story, but it’s also a beautiful one, something that can inspire people. These are the tales that great novels and movies are made of.”

Rudolph has additionally requested that the Heckler publish the following statement addressed to his peers: “I appreciate the concern of all of you, but there is no need to worry about me. God gave me this cross because he knew I could bear it. I shall rise above it, and, believe it or not, come out an even better person than before.”