As the presidential primaries move south, globally-minded Republican voters have signaled their admiration for Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) and former Florida governor Jeb Bush’s extraordinary ability to speak Mexican. “Well I figured the Rubio fella’ could speak Mexican on account of his Mexican name, but it sure is great that a guy with a name like Jeb can do it also,” said likely South Carolina voter Larry Bilt as he wrote an unpunctuated comment about emails on his niece’s Hillary 2016 Facebook post. Bilt continued, “Us southern Republicans have a tarnished reputation of having a closed-minded ignorance to the rich diversity in the culture and peoples inhabiting this world, but I’m willing to bet that perception will change once we support a guy who knows so much Mexican.” At press time, Bilt was visiting a local Taco Bell so that he too could expand his international diction.