Georgetown – Early Friday morning, Hillary Clinton arrived on the campus which her husband once ran, and proceeded to ask a whole bunch of questions. Bill is a former resident of Harbin Hall and had made these streets his own territory for four solid years of sweet, sweet college romances.

Hillary was found inspecting his old residence early Friday morning, and asking the current residents, “What do you know?”. In fact, she even began her speech with, “Where is Billy right now? Is he here?” She then proceeded to single out a couple brown-haired juniors, wondering, “Have you talked to him?”

Former Secretary Clinton spoke primarily on the topic of international relations, specifically of the relationship between international students and students from Arkansas.

Upon our request for further information on her itinerary, we found that she met privately with President DeGioia to ask for access to the email servers. This plan was stopped short as she was reminded that email did not exist in 1968.

Her last matter of business was to install security cameras in Bill’s old fraternity’s house stating that it was a matter of national security. After a long day of what some call the most stressful job in the nation, keeping Bill in check, she retired home to find Bill tiptoeing around in a blue and gray onesie.