GEORGETOWN.

Earlier today, the odor eliminating power of Febreze proved too weak to vanquish the smell Ryan Harrington (COL ‘20) has been ignorantly nursing and allowing to gain strength. Neighbors previously concerned for Ryan’s health and safety are now calling in expressing fear at whether this monstrous smell could ever be stopped. Despite claims of “odor eliminating technology” and promises of “fresh smells,” Febreze seems only to anger it.

“One spray, two sprays, eventually the whole bottle. Febreze did not even begin to tackle this… this thing,” Ryan remarked at press time. He is now “looking into something stronger, like Glade,” however, he has yet to rule out fumigation, as it may be the only way to truly kill it.

This smell is expanding rapidly, and in the interest of Georgetown and the greater Washington DC area, smell professional Dwayne Harrington is suggesting that it may only be a matter of time before the US Military is called in. Sources say President Trump has been relocated to his resort in Mar-a-lago until further notice, or until Henle has been completely torched.