LAUINGER LIBRARY – I am soooo sorry that I ruin your picturesque front lawn. I’ve heard you say it. Yeah, you. “Lau is supposed to be a brutalist interpretation of Healy Hall, but personally I don’t see it.” “Wow people really did lots of drugs in the 60s.” “Ah Lau is so ugly and depressing, I don’t want to study there.” Well you know something? I don’t want to study you. You’re pathetic. Oh my features are too harsh and brutal? At least I have features. You just have a stupid flat face and a dumb ovular body. And that goes for almost all of you. You better take a look in the mirror before you talk shit about your library. But not for too long. You wouldn’t want to shatter it. Burn.

Yeah maybe you have a great personality hiding behind your dopey face and body. Well you know what I have on the inside? Century upon century of human knowledge. I’ll take thousands of the greatest academic works of all humankind over a love of dogs and a passion for international relations. Every day of the week. So go on and talk your shit. I know I’ll see you during finals week, but I’ll do my best not to make direct eye contact. Wouldn’t want to turn to stone or anything. At least not any more into stone than I already am.