Dear Mankind,

It is with great pleasure that we the sea turtles are in a position to grant the thirsty yet
environmentally conscious humans a much deserved break from their heroism. Avoiding straws
is tough, both for you and for us. We appreciate all of the hard work and that is why we have
decided to lift a special type of straw off the official Sea Turtle Straw Boycott List.
You know what I’m talking about. We don’t know what they are called either. All we
know is they are delicious. When we get one of those chocolate straws stuck in our cute little
noses, it makes the water taste so much better. It’s usually way too salty. Please continue to
throw them in the ocean.
Your friends,
The Sea Turtles