SPORTS RECAP: Apparently there was a basketball game or something this week, but all Hoyas truly in the loop knew that only one battle of stamina and wills captivated the Hilltop. On Sunday night, first-years Maddy Bernard (MSB ‘23) and Anjali Joshi (COL ‘23) found themselves preparing for bed on Darnall 6 at roughly the same time. Immediately, they began that most delicate and passive-aggressive competition; the silent competition to see who could fall asleep first. 

Maddy began with a strong lead. Within an hour, she showered, changed her clothes and packed her backpack for tomorrow. In retaliation, Anjali brushed her teeth before Maddy made it to the bathroom and plugged in her laptop. In the second quarter, Anjali dropped a major bomb: she deliberately left her phone on the other side of the room in order to minimize all distractions and optimize REM sleep. The game was tied. 

After halftime, the competition really began to pick up steam. Anjali turned the lights off. Although Maddy’s earlier organization should theoretically have helped her relax, she felt anxious at the thought that the less organized, chiller Anjali might fall asleep first, which naturally made her assume that Anjali was just better than her at everything in general. This rumination did not come out of a true place of resentment towards Anjali, but out of Maddy’s general feelings of inadequacy. 

Meanwhile, Anjali lay still and seriously thought about getting eight hours of sleep. Then she got back up and grabbed her phone, unable to resist the temptation of just five more hours of Instagram. Maddy was so relieved that, exhausted from the unnerving, tense silence, she immediately passed out, achieving a well-earned victory. 

At press time it is still unclear if Anjali was aware that this race even occurred at all.