Remember that photo you drunkenly took last Friday night? Do you think you had the right to post it on social media? Well you’re wrong.

John Carroll— a stubborn old man— has, for centuries, refused to sign a photo release, and now it’s paying off huge for him. That’s right. He’s taking YOU to court, unless you can convince him to sign the release— not a task to be taken lightly.

Past attempts have proven fruitless. The first time he was asked to sign a photo release (in 1888, the year Kodak sold the first commercial camera), he fled into the Georgetown tunnels, clearly frightened of the new technology.

When Polaroids were introduced, Carroll made it a habit to tear up photos of himself immediately after they were taken. He’d leap nimbly from his chair (he was younger back then) and tear the photo film to pieces before it could develop.

With modern digital technology, however, Carroll has become quite frustrated. The last time someone requested he sign a photo release for social media purposes, he rearranged the letters on his statue, which usually say JOHN CARROLL, FOUNDER, to say NUCLEAR LORD FOR JOHN. The meaning is unclear, but we here at the Heckler have chosen to interpret it as a statement that anyone who asks again will be subject to the unfiltered, nuclear wrath of the Lord our God, called upon to smite the enemies of the Most Reverend John Carroll.

Basically, if you don’t want to get sued by Carroll and his legal team, be ready to square up with God. Good luck! That’s what you get for taking an unsolicited photo with a helpless statue, you creep!