We at the Heckler happily condone students organizing for abolition, protesting the Georgetown overlords, and keeping themselves safe on campus by any means necessary. We also think that you should be able to have some creative, safe fun while you resist GUPD’s unwelcome presence. Here are six easy ways to do so!
- Walk very, very slow in front of their cars. Make sure you do this in a crosswalk while they’re stopped at a stop sign, so they have to wait for you to make your sluggish way across. Maybe yawn and stretch or stop entirely to check your phone to drag it out even more!
- Bait every a capella group on campus by distributing flyers about a Georgetown sing-off in Village C Theater, which happens to be located directly across from the GUPD office under VCW. Host the sing-off during GUPD’s operating hours. Make sure to enforce silence during the Georgetown Masjid’s daily prayers. If the a capella kids tire out, call in reinforcements; everyone who tried out for a capella this year and did not get in should be in your contacts for just this purpose.
- Hang out in the VCW elevator and wait until a GUPD officer enters. Make direct eye contact and press every button. It’s not a lot of buttons, but the elevator is slow enough that this is still an inconvenience.
- White women, this one’s for you! Channel your inner Karen and call the non-emergency line at the GUPD office for literally any inconvenience that does not implicate another person. Did you trip over an exposed brick? Notice some litter? Is Walsh too far away from campus for you to get a Corp drink at Leavey and be there in time for class? We at the Heckler can’t find a specific Yelp page about GUPD, isn’t it time to change that?
- Show up at the GUPD offices without a phone or ID and pretend you’re lost. While you’re preventing the officers from disproportionately stopping students of color, make sure to ask “by the way, do you know first aid? You can help us on nights where GERMS isn’t operating, right?” just to watch them sweat.
- Insult them. This may not directly affect their productivity, but damaging their egos is paramount to our operations. Point and laugh whenever you see them! Mock them about how ugly their dumb little cars are! Make fun of their horribly inefficient website’s police bias reporting system, which prevents any consequences for police bias! Whisper about them just in earshot about their cowardice and watch their egos crumble! Bonus points if you’re doing this to Police Chief Jay Gruber specifically.
In all seriousness, take the concerns of your fellow Georgetown students seriously. Join GUAPA (Georgetown United Against Police Aggression) and other student groups that are documenting and fighting against police oppression on and beyond our campus.
If you think that anti-police rhetoric is overblown, you need to start paying attention.