Many Hoyas have admired Gravis Tripp’s (COL ’24) unreal skateboarding tricks. He can often be observed serpentining around Southwest Quad and grinding on the railings behind Yates. However, Gravis has a secret. And he’s ready to talk about it. 

Last Saturday, multiple witnesses noticed a man with a familiar mop of ratty blond hair, which technically isn’t white guy dreadlocks but if it gets any longer it’s for sure going to cross the line, zooming across 36th Street on a Lime scooter.  

When asked to explain, Tripp defended himself. “I’m not a poser, man. I’ve been skating since I could walk. I’m only at this lame-ass school because my dad said I had to. I kept my AirPods in during Zoom classes last year and worked on my laser flip the whole time.”

“But…I can’t really lie.” Tripp later admitted. “The ride looks so fucking smooth. I couldn’t stop remembering all the cool shit I used to do on my Razor scooter, and imagining how rad it would be if you could do all that and not inevitably take out your Achilles tendon. And have you seen those professional-looking guys heading off to their internships or unpaid jobs in suits, on those scooters? They look so badass. It makes me embarrassed that I dress like an Aeropostale model. I just…I guess I wanted to be them, in a way.” 

The rush of becoming an electric scooter guy has apparently transformed Tripp’s personality. He is planning to buy a whole new wardrobe at J. Crew, transfer to the MSB, and join GUAFSCU. His long-distance girlfriend, who works at the Dr. Martens store on M Street, is reportedly devastated.