BREAKING: The tamed piss bag from the Lau 2 urinal has been relocated to the Reiss 2 men’s bathroom after problems were found in the original enclosure. The emergency relocation comes after 3 years of successful habitation in Lau 2 and thousands of daily visitors.

Recently, however, Hunky the piss bag was exhibiting more aggressive behavior than usual which resulted in 4 piss related accidents involving freshmen not used to the bag’s presence. Todrick Olsen, chief tamer for the piss bags at Georgetown, spoke about the decision last Sunday, “Because of COVID, Hunky has spent a lot of time away from people. Additionally, the unusual quiet on Lau 2 has made Hunky feel surprised when receiving visitors. These factors have made relocation the best option in the short term until Hunky is able to become accustomed to the different environment.”

Students expressed disappointment, anger, and understanding in the wake of the decision. One student, Wetly Wetz (COL ‘24), said, “I miss seeing Hunky, but I understand why the decision was made. The environment was no longer conducive to Hunky and, ultimately, I care deeply about Hunky’s happiness.”

Hunky is expected to make a full adjustment and be returned to the Lau 2 bathroom within the year. “I just hope it doesn’t take too long, I miss Hunky already,” said Julian Assange (SFS ‘23) about the situation, “It just doesn’t feel the same without him. Georgetown facilities have assured the Georgetown Heckler that Hunky’s enclosure will be primed and ready for piss bag living within the next few months.