KYIV, Ukraine — After weeks of mounting tensions, NATO officials are describing a full-scale military strike as “imminent and inevitable” after the discovery of troops from the Clash Royale universe being transported to the Russia-Ukraine border. Ukrainian intelligence officials confirmed the update after many anonymous reports of the signature “HOGGG RIDAAAAA” call in the Crimean Peninsula.

The development is believed to be led by the head of the Kremlin’s War Games Bureau, Xx_mad_lad_vlad_xX. While it is reported that this figure is only 13 years of age, many high-ranking Ukrainian officials are preparing for the worst, after the discovery of his top-100 ranking on the Clash Royale Grand Champion Ladder.

Said NATO Secretary-General, Jens Stoltenberg: “After reviewing extensive footage from Mr. mad_lad_vlad’s performance in the 2021 world championship, we have every reason to believe that his skills in the battle arena will completely transfer to real life.”

Despite this, other world leaders remain skeptical. UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson was especially critical of the Russian’s choice of troops, noting that the Hog Rider/Inferno Dragon selection lacked the synergy of the LavaLoon or Hog/Valkyrie combinations that have grown to dominate the game’s meta in recent years. That said, Mr. Johnson tempered his remarks, observing that Xx_mad_lad_vlad_xX was one of the earliest adopters of both of these strategies, and seems more than capable of developing a third, equally effective combination.

For as much that has been said in regards to the development, one question has remained unanswered: where did the Kremlin find such forces? While many competing theories have emerged, the most credible has come from Sergiy Kyslytsya, Ukraine’s ambassador to the United Nations. He believes that the troops were first discovered near the site of the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant, where heightened levels of radiation have created an incubator for the troops to break free from the metaverse.