Declaring she had just broken up with her boyfriend and didn’t give a shit about Valentine’s Day, Klare Rhett (COL ’24) announced to her friends this Thursday that she was in her “Fleabag era.” And after explaining to them that no, that does not mean she has fleas, Rhett’s friends (minus the one whose boyfriend cheated on her with Rhett) were happy to support her and plan a friend date for this Monday.

However, we at The Heckler consider ourselves true journalists; we speak truth to power and expose lies and posers. And Mrs. Rhett is most certainly not entering her “Fleabag era.” We interviewed every single priest on Georgetown’s campus—all 41 of them!—and not even one reported having an erotic confession session with Rhett, nor had any of them been forced to tell her they could never have sex because then they would fall in love with her. In fact, as far as our research team can tell, she has never even been to mass once since being on campus. Some fleabag era she’s having.