Last weekend, GUPD Chief Jay Gruber attempted to catch students intending to commit the criminal offense of underage drinking. Surprisingly, no one tried to drink alcohol at the fake party. Here’s what real students had to say about it:

“I mean, he’s at least 60 years old. Once we showed up, it was pretty clear it wasn’t a real party,” explained Nate T. Light (SFS ‘26).

“Yeah, plus ‘Mr. Brightside’ was playing when we got there at like 10 PM. Everyone knows you have to wait until at least 11:30 for that song,” added Tru Lee (COL ‘25).

“I showed up when he was trying to do a kickflip,” reported Nate’s twin brother Miller (MSB ‘26). “It wasn’t going well for him.”