This week, Lea Michele will officially replace Beanie Feldstein in the role of Fanny Brice in the 2022 revival of Funny Girl. After several months of snobbish reviews of Feldstein’s performance, looks, and her singing voice, Feldstein left the run weeks early. The producers, who were rumored to have forced Feldstein to quit, quickly redesigned the show’s promotional material and redirected their efforts into promoting Michele as the new Fanny. 

Now, after several months of controversies, the producers of Funny Girl are finally speaking out.

“We are so sorry for any misunderstandings,” said producer Willoughby Worchester. “When we were originally casting the part, we simply forgot that only skinny women can sing.” 

“I mean, look at the Funny Girl film.” Worchester continued. “Barbra Streisand is rail-thin, and the only performances that can possibly live up to her iconic vocals are from equally rail-thin women. We all know that fat women are naturally less talented and less good at singing than skinny women. Forget the rehearsal footage of Beanie singing well or Lilias White’s performance of ‘Don’t Rain on My Parade.’ Only skinny women like Lea Michele and Julie Benko can sing well enough to be Fanny Brice. We apologize profusely for the confusion we caused when we pretended a fat person could be as talented as a skinny person.” 

Although Feldstein has never been accused of racist microaggressions or bullying, and she was able to read her lines and music, Worcester was firm that Michele is the only true Fanny. “Any issue with Lea should be completely ignored because she can do a passable Barbra Streisand impression, and because she is less than 150 pounds,” he concluded.
We are looking forward to seeing if Lea Michele’s skinniness will save Funny Girl from closing.