Blimey! So the queen has finally kicked the bucket. Before you light a candle in your window (or break out your celebratory tea and crumpets), there’s one question you’ve got to answer: How are you going to make this groundbreaking, worldwide, historic event about you?
- If you want to be sad: make sure to post a heartfelt love letter to the queen on your Instagram story. Bonus points if you include that emoji of the heart breaking in two to remind your 673 followers that you are, in fact, an empath. One thing must be clear: The pain of the royal family is your pain too!
- If you want to be ironic: Just be as insensitive as possible. No social norms apply to you because, at the end of the day, everyone loves a jokester — especially right after someone important has passed away! Draw a mustache on her portrait, make crude, ageist sex jokes about her nether regions, and maybe even try to invalidate the feelings of those who feel a true sense of loss today. Surely they’ll get over themselves when they recognize your boundless charm and wit!
- If you want to be political: Do not, under any circumstances, reveal whether you liked or disliked the queen. Simply focus on the newsworthy political implications of the succession of power, using the words “nuance,” “unprecedented,” and “monumental” as many times as you can — and maybe pick up a copy of The Caravel on your way to Nerdfest 2022! If you need us, we’ll be at your mom’s house.
- If you are Prince Charles: Roll up your sleeves, and get ready to complain about the burden of being king. Heaps of busy work are in your future!