WASHINGTON– In a recent ACCT 201 lecture, John Burnham (MSB 25’ [sic]) announced his plan to intern at Goldman Sachs this summer, after accepting an offer in their New York office earlier this week. Burnham noted that this is an exceptionally great achievement; the program is usually restricted to rising seniors, which Burnham is not.

Burnham’s announcement was met with mixed reactions from his peers. Kelsey McIntosh (MSB ‘26) expressed her warmest congratulations towards Burnham and her intentions to connect with him further. “John has always been a leader in the accounting lecture room at Georgetown,” McIntosh noted, “ever since he wore a suit to the day he presented his project to the class, I knew he was destined for great things.” In full transparency, McIntosh also expressed her intent to apply to the same program next year as well as her eagerness to obtain a referral from Burnham.

Alex O’Connor (MSB ‘25) was quick to cast doubt upon the legitimacy of Burnham’s efforts, pointing out that his accounting abilities may not have been the only factor in the decision to hire him. “It’s open knowledge amongst the MSB who Burnham’s father is,” O’Connor said, “if my daddy was a Goldman managing director, you’d see me right in his shoes.” The Heckler was unable to identify the validity of these claims

Nevertheless, Mr. Burnham remains confident that his prospects at obtaining a return offer at the company are high and is adjusting his daily spending habits accordingly. One unnamed source mentioned seeing the intern-to-be on a newly acquired Vespa cruising through campus. After obtaining the credit card history for his Amex card (linked to his father’s account), the Heckler noticed weekly spending has increased from $1,400 to $3,600 since his acceptance into this prestigious program. While Georgetown is widely regarded as an avenue to America’s elite, it is historically uncommon to see this rags to riches story take place before our eyes. A true win for Mr. Burnham and Georgetown’s student body alike!