Stuffing? Check. Gravy? Check. I didn’t pull out and it felt great. I’m definitely taking this recipe down for next Thanksgiving, and the one after that, and the one after that. If only it was socially acceptable to fuck the turkey on the other 364 days of the year. If it was, you bet this guy would never leave the house. No no no, he wouldn’t. Me and my penis would prop up the turkey industry all on our own. We’re a great team. A deadly duo.

I’m going to go and chug this gallon of orange juice and prepare for round two. Before then, I’ll set the clocks back and erase the calendar marks so my wife and two sons don’t freak out when they hear me fucking the turkey on a day that isn’t Thanksgiving. I could not live with that shame, let me tell you.