WHITE GRAVENOR 204: “Yes, officer! That’s him! That’s the sick fuck that has been holding in her poop for 25 minutes in class.”

God, you make us all sick. You thought you were slick holding in your poop like that? Holding it right in your butt? Disgusting.

Everyone in class saw through your twisted little guise. We can tell you’ve been clenched up for minutes now. You’re obviously trying to hide it so hard — so hard that it betrayed you. You thought you were disguising all the signs of needing to poop, the light sweat, the stomach gurgles, the minor movements of your pelvis to reorient yourself in such a way as to put less pressure on your colon. Big mistake.

You thought of everything. All your bases were covered — but they were too covered. We all noticed your mind racing, carefully planning every move to make that poop that was brewing less obvious, but that was your fatal flaw, your Achilles heel. In your eyes, the eyes of a mastermind, we could all see right into your soul — your poopy, poopy soul.

You know what they say: If you see something, say something. Three people in your class were brave enough to call the authorities on you. It is easy to stand by and watch as someone holds their poop in class, but just because it is easy does not mean it is right. These brave heroes made sure that you will be brought to justice for your gross little crimes.

Everyone in your class is hoping you enjoy your night in the slammer. Hopefully the toilet in there “does it for you.” The best part is, not only did they know it; They all knew it the whole time. You are two steps behind. You’re wearing your poop on your shoulder. Everyone was just watching, waiting to see how far you would take it, and you took it too damn far.