The Heckler was recently contacted by Tyler Whiteface, 23, MSB ‘28, a six-time freshman who has almost passed all his classes this time! Whiteface was eager to provide a column on his impressions of freshman year, as a seasoned professional of the craft. Whiteface, 23, from White Plains, NY, submitted two drafts before submitting the third (as published here). We had attempted an in-person interview, but the only time Whiteface spent out of the MSB was in the infrared sauna, meeting his tutor for his coloring-in-the-lines class. Whiteface whites—Shit, we mean, writes: 

To start this artikul, I want to make clere that MSB does NOT dezerve the bad repetition that every gives it. We r just like u guyz: Normal ppl who just luv to have a good time with the bros, may-b smoke a sigaret or shotgun a brew or tew. We are NOT daddy’s boyz: We have, like, at least four chicks between the nine of us and we worked hard 2 get here. My classez are just as hard as you guys classez. I don’t even now what organist cemistry is, but I was up all night studying for my final in my shapes and colers 304 class. We started with trapyzoids – the hardest one! (becuz I’m in the advanced level)! I luv to cum to the MSB after a long day lifting to unwind and just… Chillax. I feel so comfertabel surounded by ppl who are just like me. I was bullied in the third grade so I have always been angshous that may-b I was a weirdo, and I feel like may-b I have like, alwayz carried this trama with me. But, at the MSB, the bros luv me for who I am. We r the #ProudBoys of the MSB!