Do… …bring your own clothes.  Lots of things come included in your tuition, but having a full and personalized wardrobe is up to you.     Don’t… …wear a shirt covered in blood.  It’s unnecessary.  NSO leaders are trained in coming up with ice-breakers, so drawing questions about the source of the blood might be […]

Incoming Hoyas, Or better yet, Ahoy-a! You’ll have to excuse us, we’ve been carried away with the nautical spirit; the editorial board thought it would be fun to kick the year off with a little booze cruise before the start of the semester. “Let’s leave our cell phones at home, and just be here with each […]

HEALY – For President John DeGioia, the summer of 2016 ended just as they all have since he took over Georgetown University’s top job: with a mad dash to update each of the annual speeches he delivers with the appropriate years and names of special guests.   “Some names and dates we get to leave […]

  I love my son, but in the 353 days since his birth, he has not once used the phrase “Radical Islam” nor has he said “Dada.” I never thought I would be a parent raising an anti-American baby, but I suppose that this is reality. My son is so immersed in the politically correct […]

PHILADELPHIA, PA – With only hours left until the 2016 Democratic National Convention kicks off, far-left delegates, activists, and voters remained excited to see their months of campaigning and advocacy coalesce into a few speeches that turn Donald Trump’s divisive rhetoric into safe punchlines and easy applause breaks.   The Democratic party’s progressive wing underwent a monumental […]

While Marvel’s Daredevil television series has made historic strides in the representation of mutilated lawyer-heroes in popular media, activists continue to push for more public exposure of the group in television and movies. “The sight-impaired, legal vigilante community is continually boxed out of Hollywood,” said Rick Rockwood, a corporate contract lawyer by day and a […]

WASHINGTON, DC – Two months after Justice Antonin Scalia’s passing at age 79, President Obama once again urged conservative factions to take action regarding the dilapidated purple futon on which Scalia lounged during oral arguments and still rests in courtroom chambers today. “This is oppositional stubbornness at its worst. It is your responsibility to act. […]

VATICAN CITY – On Monday, in an effort to boost church attendance and reduce any legalistic stigma surrounding Catholic doctrine, Pope Francis declared that, “from now on, Christians need to only just try, even if it’s just a teeny tiny little bit, to feel bad about doing a sin.” “If you sin, even just a little bit, […]

THE BASEMENT, TEXAS – Taunting the unsated appetite of local resident Jared Florder, a pringle stuck at the bottom of its can became ,on Thursday evening, the admittedly fat-fingered man’s “white whale”. “I’ll get her if it’s the last thing my stubby, bulging, sweaty digits can do,” Florder emphasized, after a third attempt at fishing out […]

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Federal Election Commission reports released today revealed that 30% of donations to the Bernie Sanders (I-VT) campaign, totaling $42 million, has been spent on cans of Polar™ Seltzer for the candidate. “Seltzer is terrific,” said the Vermont Senator at a press conference to a young, impassioned crowd of 25,000, “It’s simple, affordable, […]