ARLINGTON – Every parent can be a tiny bit too strict sometimes – it’s natural. The CEO of the internationally acclaimed consumer advice publication U.S. News and World Report just proved he’s no different: this morning he released a comprehensive ranking of his four kids. “What do the best universities and the best families have […]

Listen up you pitiful pimply children, you may listen to me and stare upon my visage, but you will NEVER be me. How many books have you written? How many have you edited? I didn’t think so. I’ve have six. Have you even read six books you ignorant nincompoop? Did you know that I was […]

All we ever hear about nowadays from the screaming shrill left is sexist this, sexist that. Everything is sexist nowadays! Work is sexist; schools are sexist; pets are probably sexist; patriarchy this, patriarchy that, there is sexism everywhere! Well today I’m gonna tell you the truth about one of the big places that the REAL […]

QUIZ: Is Your Mysterious Friend Just Tall And From New England Or Is He A Lighthouse?   He never shuts up about how he’s from New England and he never shuts off that massive floodlight attached to his face. So annoying! Before you met your mysterious friend from New England, how did other people describe […]

Thursday evening, his eminence Jack the Bulldog retired to his harem of young poodle concubines. “It is our responsibility to ensure that our sovereign, Jack the Bulldog, is sexually satisfied,” said Patrick Cooper (SFS ‘19), a member of the exclusive club the Jack Crew. The Jack Crew is charged with Jack the Bulldog’s daily care, […]

COPLEY HALL – After an especially quiet evening in Copley 302, Chaplain-in-Residence Peter Anthony explained to the Heckler over an untouched plate of brownies that, “Apparently God’s plan for me involves a lot of sparsely-attended tea and snack sessions, I guess.” Anthony went on to reveal that, despite his best efforts to get “at least […]

COOPER FIELD, GEORGETOWN – At this week’s big soccer game, Jack the Bulldog made a statement on behalf of Georgetown and all that it stands for; he laid down. Jack, the university mascot, is known primarily for his presence at sports games and ability to stand on a moving skateboard. However, that changed when the […]

Rejoice you lucky son of a gun! Be glad for the battle nearly is won! The next page of your assigned reading has a big, fat picture smack dab in the middle of the page just for fun!   The chances of a page like this coming along are quite small. Some readings don’t even […]