DAHLGREN CHAPEL – Saturday’s nuptials in Dahlgren Chapel, featuring John and Stephanie as the groom and bride, were a memorable day overall. However, all positive elements of the wedding were eclipsed by a truly weak, disappointing performance by Stephanie during the vows. As the guests entered the chapel, leaves crunched underfoot and a breeze tugged […]

Last week, Stephen Holloway (COL ‘19) was finally able to connect to SaxaNet after years of effort, but was immediately thwarted by a system failure caused by a fire at the facility. The incident occurred on Wednesday morning when Stephen entered the fourth floor of Lauinger Library and opened up his laptop to study economics. […]

WASHINGTON – Recent reports from the Georgetown Economics department may have devastating implications for Stephen, who according to the most recent data, is suffering devastating losses in demand for his opinions, contributions, and overall physical presence in his friend group. Trends indicate that this market will continue to crash until rock bottom, but we will let our […]

Stephen Holloway (COL ‘18) was left feeling lonelier than ever today when not even the automatic sink would notice him. After nearly seven and a half minutes spent waving his sudsy palms in front of the sensor without response, Stephen was forced to come to terms with his own irrelevance. The situation escalated later that […]

In an effort to engage Americans in international politics, the United Nations and Snapple have teamed up to create a series of limited edition “Real-er Facts” caps that are designed to inform the public on current events. One such cap reads, “There’s no easy solution in the Middle East.” António Guterres, UN Secretary General, stated […]

Having trouble ignoring all of this pointless hype about the possible baby between Travis Scott and Kylie Kardashian? Want something important and substantive to focus on? Don’t want to subsume to popular dribble? Fear not, here’s some helpful tips to avoid thinking about the new Kardashian baby. Try mulling over the drama around the Iran […]