Maryolivertwist
Writer
Right to Life Offers Free Thumbtacks to Counter H*yas for Choice Free Condoms
By Mary Oliver Twist | October 19, 2026
RED SQUARE – SUNRISE Witnessed from a White Gravenor bush with a pair of binoculars and a battle bucket, the following events are 100% true. Kenny Hasbro (CAS ‘30), horny beyond his years, approaching the H*yas for Choice table, reaches for a classic blue Trojan. In the corner of his eye, he catches the glint […]
Let’s See What Peñalver Does with the Leavey Bridge Before We All Pop Throbbing Boners for Him
By Mary Oliver Twist, Tippi Feathers | September 23, 2026
Despite recent efforts to improve student social libido, many students still hold mixed opinions on new Georgetown President Eduardo Peñalver.
“Not sure about him,” Richard Pecker (COC ‘28) ejaculated to the Heckler while sporting a semi. “I remember Groves last year—undressing the Copley Lawn? Royal Jacket on Saturdays? Cum. Cum. Cum everywhere.” […]
Vatican Express-Writes 34 Permits for “Boy Aquarium” Construction, Orders 50,000 Pounds of Chlorine Instead of Hockey Sticks
By Mary Oliver Twist, ɎV₦₲ JØ₴ⱧɄ₳ | March 6, 2026
When you think of a Papal Audience, the last two words that probably come to mind are “Boy Aquarium.” But last week, Pope Leo, in his worsening English, stumbling through his statement, told us to expect the unexpected. The Heckler’s initial reaction: “I guess a hockey rink would be pretty funny in the Vatican.” Due […]
