Less than two weeks into his first semester, freshman Timothy McPherson (SFS ’18) delivered a rousing oration yesterday in Leo O’Donovan Dining Hall about how he would “fix” Georgetown to his classmate over lunch. “I said something about how the chicken was kind of dry, and that just seemed to set him off,” said Chris […]
PARIS — Wendy Christensen (COL ’16) had been anticipating what many consider the most important moment of studying abroad at the Sorbonne ever since she submitted her application last spring: a new profile picture. She arrived in Paris, France one week ago, moved into her new dorm and purchased her first gluten-free croissant. “I seriously […]
Riggs Library — Amid much fanfare and celebration sophomores Ana Kinsley (NHS ’17) and Morgan Everdeen (SFS ’17) formally signed a like exchange agreement on Tuesday in Riggs Library. At a joint press conference following the signing, Kinsley and Everdeen stressed the significance of the event in “exponentially boosting social media image” for both parties. […]
M STREET — Local reports have come in that the Howard family spent over one-third of its family vacation to Washington D.C. in line at local snack shop Georgetown Cupcake. Speaking via phone after returning home to Jackson Hole, Wyoming family patriarch Eric Howard described the trip as “awesome” and “everything the guidebooks produced by […]
HARBIN FIELD — Saying that “there’s no way in hell it could hurt our chances,” head coach of the Georgetown football team Rob Sgarlata announced this week that the team will be transition from their Nike cleats to Sperrys. Looking for ways to jump start a team which has struggled in recent years and long […]
GEORGETOWN — In a sobering shock to both the administration and student body, an estimate from the Pew Research Center concluded that only 82% of incoming Georgetown freshman this year will become president. The report, released yesterday, fell well short of the University’s 90% minimum presidency goal for the class of 2018. According to the […]
VILLAGE C WEST — On Thursday evening freshmen roommates Darrel Christmas and John Rodgers sat down to discuss what each considered to be “a very pressing matter.” Showcasing a total lack of awareness for their low position on the desirability scale, a crippling absence of self confidence or experience and lack of clothes that weren’t […]
WEST GEORGETOWN — A long speculated-about phenomenon occurred this Thursday evening as all 35 pre-games and parties occurring at Georgetown played R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix)” at the exact same moment. The Geo-Anthropological event, which experts described as having a 12% of happening on any given weekend night, came to fruition as every party, both off […]
CAWLEY CAREER EDUCATION CENTER — In a Georgetown fall tradition hundreds of upperclassman students signed documents which allowed several prominent banking and consulting firms exclusive possession of students’ souls. Representatives from the Cawley Career Education Center called this year “a smash success in line with past years.” Although The Heckler has yet to see the […]