HARNEY, OR — In a historically respectful tribute to the constitutional vision of the founding fathers, a group of failed military professionals were seen defending the second amendment in its purest form on Thursday when they packed their guns and whatever they could find in a military surplus store and set up camp in a federal building. Said Harvard Law Professor Josh Garn, “I’m just astonished by this pristine presentation of the Founding Fathers’ intentions,” he continued as a militia member tripped over his gun-show rifle that fired into a crowd of onlookers, “It is the general consensus in modern academia that when James Madison included the need for well-regulated militia in the bill of rights, he was referring to the inalienable right for beer-bellied gun enthusiasts to threaten violence based on their own personal feelings about whatever he meant.” When reached for comment, group leader Taylor Hardy said, “I know the constitution, it says me and my buddies have the right to protect ourselves by firing thousands of bullets per minute, just like George Washington did when the Mexicans came for the Alamo.” In a choir of agreement, the boot camp-trained squad collectively spat out wads of chewing tobacco into their military-issue Baja Blast cups. At press time, the militiamen were seen impeding the tyranny of the federal government by posting an unpunctuated rant on Facebook that was skeptical President Obama’s allegiance to the United States.