Last night at the famed Institute of Peace, Diplomats, Model UN kids, and the baseball team gathered for what we at Georgetown call Dip Ball. Freshman nicotine fiend Bucky Smith bought his team tickets after taking a fat rip of his juul, thinking that Dip Ball was a celebration of chewing tobacco, if not a ball sport in honor of it.

While Dip Ball was certainly more formal than the team expected, Frankie, Donny, and the rest of the infield turned to each other, shrugged, packed fat lips, and entered the crowd. They soon found Rex Tillerson, also packing a fat lip, stuffing appetizers into his chin rolls. “It takes the edge off,” he said between spits. By ten PM, the baseball team was dipping with Hillary Clinton herself.

It wasn’t until Team Captain Johnny “Green Lip” Mendoza hacked a lugey into Madeleine Albright’s drink that anyone had bothered to tell them that dip stood for diplomats, not dipping tobacco. Needless to say, it was a real curveball when Dip Ball turned out to be a formal soiree with diplomats!