Dear Blessed Student,

There is a lot going on in the world. More specifically, Russia has declared war on Ukraine, and everyone seems to be scared shitless. When people are scared shitless about something, history would suggest that protests are on their way.

We are writing to request that you avoid all anti-war protest events. We assure you that our campus priests are praying enough to have everyone fully covered on the advocacy front without anyone needing to actually step outdoors. We don’t need angry chants or silly signage when we have God on our side.

Father Carnes, the hero that he is, has been spending every waking hour in Dahlgren Chapel for your well-being. Don’t waste the valuable work he’s doing for you by placing yourself in danger or petitioning the US government in any way. Stay inside! Don’t get involved. This is God’s fight, not yours.

With Peace and Love and Holy Grace,

Provost Robert Groves