Photo credit: Drexel University Scientists from the United States Center for Apathy Studies reported earlier this week that the transition between post-spring break slump and pre-Easter break slump was unusually smooth this year. “We are pleased to report that this transition went off even better than we originally projected,” said Kevin Lestrom, lead investigator […]
To The Heckler readership and the Georgetown community, There have been whispers around campus regarding the direction that The Heckler has taken since the recent GUSA election. Some have called into question the legitimacy of our content regarding certain members of the university administration. Though the vast silent majority of our readership has enjoyed […]
For immediate release: The Heckler has no comment concerning the recent questions raised about our leadership. We remain dedicated to the comedic spirit of Georgetown and the immortal magnificence of Dr. Olson. Please refrain from further investigation, everything is under control.
LEAVEY – Dr. Todd Olson, Vice President of Student Affairs, once again had to explain to a star-struck prospective student that he is not, in fact, the famous Hollywood actor and Georgetown alum Bradley Cooper (COL ’97). “Ha! No, I’m not the ‘Coop, but I get that all the time,” Dr. Olson told the […]
(LEAVEY CENTER) – When the latest issue of the Georgetown Voice appeared in stacks throughout campus Thursday, students flipped immediately to the 2015 Spring Fashion photo spread and gasped in surprise. Where was Todd Olson, VP of Student Affairs? “Olson is my style icon. He is a total bro,” said Jacob Bently (COL ’16), […]
HEALY FAMILY STUDENT CENTER – An undergraduate “hangout session” was brought to an abrupt, awkward halt when sophomore Julian Hatrnel (SFS ’17) made a “joke” alluding to the alleged incompetency of Vice President of Student Affairs, Dr. Todd Olson. The “squad” was just kicking back and chilling on the new HFSC patio, which was […]
ST. MARY’S HALL: A ground-breaking new report released this week by the Department of Mathematics reveals that exactly 50% of Georgetown students are ‘below average’ in their academic performance. The report has been received by many with uproar and shock. “Frankly, I’m astonished,” said student body president Trevor Tezel (SFS ’15). “We all […]
HENLE —In a bout of panic, Sophomore Kevin Peters (COL ’17) spent all Saturday night on the Internet Movie Database (IMDB) cramming for his Sunday evening Oscar viewing party. “I had two papers and a midterm this week,” said Peters, “so I had to put off all my studying until last night.” Peters […]
GEORGETOWN – In a recent announcement to the Georgetown student body, a shivering Vice President of Student Affairs Todd Olson has effectively banned snowballs from the entire university. “Unfortunately, the campus community just cannot be trusted with the privilege to hurl snow at each other,” Olsen said while drinking a hot cocoa, “It just saddens […]