NEW SOUTH — Over the din of the twenty three person party in New South dormitory 349 it became increasingly clear to outside observers that freshmen Nate Schumer (COL ’18) and Bridget Friedland (SFS ’18) were successfully concealing the fact they were large nerds in high school while hitting on each other. “Can I get […]
HARBIN — Citing an abundance of evidence of anti-New Jersey stigma amongst his peers Freshman Clayton Peters (COL ’18) began telling all he encountered he hails from the “NYC area.” “Listen, I’m just trying to sound the slightest bit cultural and original here,” said Peters who lives one hour and twenty minutes in current traffic […]
Dear Freshman Attending His First College Party, I’m a first year here at Georgetown and I really haven’t gotten to go out that much on the weekends since I’ve been here. When I have gone out though, there doesn’t seem to be that much happening and I have trouble getting into any place since I […]
POTOMAC, MD — In a swift turn of events Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Hama’s Khaled Meshaal agreed to an immediate cessation of hostilities and tentatively agreed in principle to a lasting two state solution between Israel and Palestine in large part to a social media post made by sophomore Anita Howard (SFS ’17). […]
WASHINGTON — In a damning blow to rising seniorʼs hopes that they can exercise some control over their date of graduation, the surgeon general released a report stating that “diet and exercise are almost entirely uncorrelated in postponing the inevitability of graduation. The two page document, released Monday to senior audiences eager to learn how they can avoid graduation, […]