NEW SOUTH — Speaking to reporters assembled around his New South desk, freshman Garret Fletcher (COL ’18) told reporters on Tuesday that he is “straight up” out of fun facts after four days of New Student Orientation (NSO).Even according to his most liberal simulations before arriving at Georgetown, Fletcher believed that he would be able to survive the first month […]
PHILADELPHIA — As he packed for his return to Georgetown University for his Sophomore year, Sam Brown (COL ’18) realized he had neglected to prepare a response for the inevitable barrage of “how was your summer?” questions.With a 9 am train the next morning into Union Station, Brown called an emergency joint session of his […]
DARNALL — Approximately 30 minutes after hugging her parents goodbye in the Darnall Hall lobby, Freshman Mackenzie Koch (MSB ʼ18) told an assembled room of reporters, her new roommate, friends from high school, and passer-bys she managed to strike up conversation with that she is “absolutely and hopelessly in love with Georgetown.” While opening her […]
WHITE-GRAVENOR — According to a recent poll conducted by the Georgetown Heckler, for the fourth straight year in a row, the word “Chill” was the most used word by freshmen on Campus Housing and Roommate Matching Systems (CHARMS) profiles. With 792 usages, “chill” easily beat out its tops competitors of “average,” 254 usages, “normal,” 231 […]
MEDICAL CAMPUS — Following a mistaken mass e-mail to the entire alumni network and current students, Peer to Peer Tutoring announced that the entire Georgetown network is now registered as tutors. Following the registration of Jack O’Donnell (SFS ’86), Peer to Peer tutoring, which offers academic assistance to Medical School students, now has well over […]
ATLANTA — Leading Center for Disease Control researchers unveiled a massive breakthrough this week in the quest to fine a cure for amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS. Surprising many experts and insiders in the field, Research Chair Lily Garrison revealed that the long-awaited treatment for the world’s most unpronounceable killer did not involve any type […]
San Francisco — From his San Francisco bedroom Tuesday rising sophomore John Roland (SFS ’17), overcome with guilt, decided to send University President John DeGioia an edible arrangement as an apology. “When I got home and just sat in my bed after the whole hubbub of finals was over it sorta just hit me,” said […]
LAU 2 — While commiserating with friends in the library last night about how stressed they collectively were about finals, Jennifer Hoken (COL ’15) described herself as “so behind on work.” Hoken, who only needs to proofread her 30-page research paper once more before handing it in on Friday, explained to friends that she “has […]
HARBIN — In an email broadcast to campus today, Vice President for Student Affairs Todd Olson announced changes to the alumni housing policy. After almost two semesters of heated debate, Olson along with GUSA President Trevor Tezel (SFS ’15) and Vice President Omika Jikaria (SFS ’15) voted to adopt a three-year post graduation on-campus housing […]