The following is the result of an experiment in which we, The Heckler, gave a typewriter to a cat. We hope you will be as moved by the results as we were. An excerpt from “The Myth of Sprinkles” by Albert Catmus: Chasing, catching, attempting to hold the light of a laser pointer is exhausting, […]
“Actually,” interrupts Jack Williams (SFS ’25), “sex trafficking is a densely complex issue with a number of multifaceted factors that must be admitted into our consideration.” The class gasps. No one has ever said something so intelligent. “Tell me more,” coos Professor Hopsdick, clearly won over by Williams’s flowery language. “Well the thing is, when […]
An excerpt from the journal of Franz Kafka: Some of the thoughts in my head have… I don’t know… a nightmarish, complex, bizarre, or illogical quality. Boy do I wish there were a word I could use to convey that state of mind to others! Life, it gets very bureaucratic sometimes. Sometimes things don’t make […]
A buzzer sounds. Sweat drips from a nose— a nose lower to the ground than all other noses on the court. Max Squatts, with his 5’6” frame, gave it all he had, but it just wasn’t enough. The Buzzer Beatniks, the clear underdogs of the Georgetown Intramural Basketball scene, have lost again— for the seventh […]
Here at SNAPs, we care a lot about our group culture, and with Miss Rona being the buzzkill that she is, we worry some of our members might feel left out. For that reason, we’ve put together a guide! Just because you’re stuck at home doesn’t mean you can’t still participate in our favorite activity— […]
Dear Georgetown Community, I hope you are all faring well. I am reaching out today to open up a dialogue on a topic I have long struggled with but feel is necessary to insert into the university’s discourse— my hatred of the troops. Below is a five-point explanation (and one supplemental factor) for my hatred […]
Today, the Heckler must take a step back to honor one of the greats. We are, of course, referring to the tragic passing of Wheezy the Penguin this weekend. We all know about Wheezy’s unfortunate medical condition— discussed at length in the documentary Toy Story 2— but some claim this was still a preventable loss. […]
Sad news hit the Beyblade community— nay, the world— this week, as the CDC’s most recent study determined that viral particles can, in fact, be passed from one Beyblade top to another. As we all know, Beyblade was originally marketed as an alternative to back-alley chicken fighting and has kept violent teens out of trouble […]
After a lackluster first night of events, the RNC went looking to spice up their lineup. Convention planners went down the typical list of home-run speakers, but in a surprising turn of events, widely-known Republican figures George W Bush, Vietnam veteran John Rambo, and the now-sentient Abraham Lincoln android stored in the White House basement […]
Remember that photo you drunkenly took last Friday night? Do you think you had the right to post it on social media? Well you’re wrong. John Carroll— a stubborn old man— has, for centuries, refused to sign a photo release, and now it’s paying off huge for him. That’s right. He’s taking YOU to court, […]