Jesus may have risen from the dead, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to rise in the morning! Along with your cup of joe, you need a good breakfast to get yourself ready for your yearly dose of mass and all of the festivities to follow. To take some of the pressure off, we’ve […]

We know housing selection can be one of the most stressful things here at Georgetown. With selection happening this week, we here at The Heckler have put together a comprehensive guide to help you pick the best place to live. We have the perspective necessary to let not only you, but all your baby pets, […]

I’m all about nostalgia. The classics. I love Tamagotchi and Dunk-a-roos. Flintstones gummy vitamins. Driving around and looking at Christmas lights with my family. And reading books, not just watching the movie.   I read every Harry Potter book. I didn’t just, “watch the movies,” like all of the other kids did. I want to […]

  If you don’t have any plans this Valentine’s Day, we could go out to dinner if you want? I went to this cool falafel place one time and—if you don’t have any dinner plans already or anything—maybe we could check that out? They have pretty good pita, too, if you’re into that kind of […]

Here at the Heckler, we know that around this time of year, you might struggle to find last-minute gifts for those loved ones who are just so difficult to shop for. To alleviate some of that stress, we’ve taken some inspiration from my history TA’s style choices and put together a little gift guide to […]

Step 1: Acquire the commodities. Start the night by locating the alcohol. Pick whatever variety vaguely smells like vomit to you. That means you’ve thrown it up before and it’ll likely be your best bet. *If you’re underage, either wait for your strangely pushy Grandmother to offer you a drink or perhaps opt for snagging […]

OLIVE GARDEN—Earlier today, Local Dad Gary Jenson spent twenty minutes conversing with waiter and Rosslyn Olive Garden’s employee of the month: the one and only, Steve. Jenson goes to Olive Garden almost every week, but still manages to have questions about the never-changing menu every time. After the Jenson family was deep in bottomless breadsticks […]

GOSHEN, EGYPT – As the Jewish people prepare for their flight from Egypt, their leader, Moses, reminded everybody to use the bathroom before they leave. In a public statement to his people, Moses said, “I know God will protect us, but this is going to be a hell of a trip. So why doesn’t everybody […]

While we often disagreed in our service as Justices, Antonin Scalia was a good friend of mine and his passing has left a hole in the Supreme Court of the United States. Even worse, his passing has left a hole at shortstop for our SCOTUS Softball Team. Today I plead to the Democrats in Congress: […]