On 18 September, the people of Scotland will choose whither to separate from the United Kingdom and become a free nation. This referendum is just another part of the centuries-long struggle of our people against the tyranny of the English bastards to the south—a struggle in which I am proud to hae played no small […]
BROWN HOUSE — Last week when texting friends about weekend plans sophomore Kate Young (MSB ’17) purportedly gave the same response to all who inquired, “I am going to Brown House on Thursday!! Kill me. HOW EMBARRASSING.” Young’s weekend plans took an unexpected turn when the host of her friend’s birthday became unexpectedly available and […]
COPLEY — Citing his experience as “totally eye-opening” sophomore Julian Cartwright (SFS ’17) returned from an hour long study abroad information session about Lyon, France as “a totally different person.” Cartwright attempted to explain to his suite mates about what made the study abroad information session so enlightening, but often struggled to find the words […]
WHITE-GRAVENOR – For the first time in history, sources familiar with the alumni network of Georgetown University confirmed Friday that the network experienced a full and wide-reaching outage from which it is yet to recover. At roughly 10:00 PM EST on Thursday, September 10th, Georgetown alumni around the world are said to have become heavily […]
NEW SOUTH — Citing two weeks of fruitless advances on Georgetown’s female population, Freshman Aidan Johnson (MSB ’18) decided to take drastic action to mask his failures from his peers. After failing to entice floor mate Hannah Sanders (COL ’18) to return with him to his room on the fourth floor of New South Saturday […]
VCW RHO — Saying that she “just wanted to make sure” her daughter was doing fine in her first month of school, the mother of freshman Nicki Salzburg (COL ’18) decided to send herself in her first package. Opting against using one of the pre-planned University care packages, Veronica Smoot-Salzburg decided the best way to […]
LXR — While regaling each other with stories of U Street concerts and hallucinogen usage, a small gathering of Georgetown’s self-proclaimed hipsters announced to the Heckler that their social circle had decided to begin following Georgetown’s alcohol policy, ironically. The group explained that “like, literally, no one follows the University’s rules on alcohol. What better […]
RED SQUARE — As construction equipment slowly begins to choke off access to Reiss walkway, students came together to share memories of hurrying to class over the famed concrete slabs. The walkway, a vital causeway connecting Burleith, Henle, Darnall and the Leavey Center with the rest of campus, was fatally diagnosed last year with “standing […]