VILLAGE A — Braving an exposed position in the downpour on Wednesday afternoon, sophomore Tanner Towes (SFS ’17) announced that he was successfully able showcase his unceasing wit in spite of potentially technologically-deadly conditions.  Risking permanently damaging his two-week old $599 iPhone 6, Towes reported delivering the 83 character message to his 59 twitter followers […]

LXR — Citing two full months of absence from his newsfeed, sophomore George Sandson (MSB ’17) told reporters he was “about ready” to abandon the notion that he would be nominated for the ice bucket challenge. Holding out hope for more than 70 days that a friend, relative, former significant other, acquaintance, or person he […]

GASTON — The Georgetown University Lecture Fund added yet another name to its list of distinguished speakers with the appearance of James Grant at the podium of Gaston Hall last Thursday. “Today’s speaker truly needs no introduction,” University President John DeGioia said in his opening remarks at the event before passing the microphone to the […]

LAU 2 — With an iPhone holding less than 2% of its battery and his charger several blocks away, Junior Hayden Dumeir (COL ’16) told reporters that he will be temporarily lifting most parameters for friendship. Reneging most core requirements such as mutual interests or sense of humor, Dumeir said that although “nothing is final […]

Dear Guy Who Almost Had a Threesome, My midterm season is looking really brutal. I have three midterms next week and after this weekend I realize that I am not prepared for any of them! On top of my job and clubs I just don’t think I can be ready. Is it acceptable to ask […]

MUNICH — Junior Andrew Banster reported on Saturday that his Oktoberfest excursion hit a snag when he ran into a non-English speaker. Banster, who in his two months studying abroad in Copenhagen had never encountered someone whose English was less than proficient, was initially unsure how to proceed after asking the man for a picture. […]