M STEET — With weekly highs predicted to hover in the low 60s this weekend, Georgetown betches unanimously expressed worry that the transition into jacket season was occurring too rapidly. With summer temperatures stretching into mid-September, an early onset of cold temperatures has left the vast majority of “super cute” light cardigans unused. Calling it […]

HARBIN — A recently-released report from the Georgetown Office of Sustainability projected that by 2065 flyers will make Georgetown’s main campus uninhabitable. While applauding the noble and selfless efforts of campus facilities to combat the issue, the report finds that over the past quarter century the level of flyering on Georgetown’s campus has surged some […]

HEALY HALL — In a statement released late Thursday night, University officials confirmed that they are considering mandating a meal plan requirement for students studying abroad. “It makes fiscal sense for everyone involved,” Georgetown University President John J. DeGioia said of the plan. “Especially for administrators, Georgetown Dining Services, and Aramark.” The announcement provoked concern […]

HEALY HALL — With his hopes that someone would have dropped a hint enlightening him to his position’s responsibilities or duties thus far unfilled, Executive Assistant Vice President of Digital Strategies Craig Bannon told the Heckler that it was “way too late” in the year to ask his supervisor what he is supposed to be […]

M STREET — Citing a desire to “completely overhaul” the image of ShopHouse, management of the chain unveiled a massive rebranding campaign in which the South Asian dining location will now be known as “Asian Chipotle.” With sales lower than anticipated over a month and a half into the school year, the chain reportedly scrapped […]

LAU 2 — To the amazement of those surrounding him, Sophomore Ian Simmons (COL ’17) worked interrupted on a paper for over five consecutive minutes on the second floor of Lauinger Library Tuesday night. Flaunting “inhuman” levels of self-control Simmons reportedly, for six minutes and two seconds, resisted perusing an unlimited amount and variety of […]

FRONT GATES — As the moon shines over Georgetown on Friday night, GUPD officers and H*yas for Choice members will be prepping to resolve a long-standing dispute. The rival gangs, after recent heated arguments over campus territory, plan to work out their disagreements in a rumble under Key Bridge. “We ain’t lookin’ to kill or […]