GEORGETOWN – With the election for the Georgetown University Student Association’s presidential team fast approaching, analysts are suggesting that the candidates probably support continuing to fund SAC, right? I mean, I think so. Through a series of targeted videos, which detailed the candidates’ teams, agendas, and major running points, the student body has a pretty […]

I am the man of my house: the ideal father and husband, I make my sweet daughter giggle; I chastise my smart son when he is a little too smart; and I always give extreme sexual pleasure to my lovely wife. But no matter what I do, I can’t get my caveman under control. All […]

DARNALL – After compiling and entering his personal information late Monday evening, Gerald Hammon’s (COL ‘20) program that he created to find his one true love encountered a fatal runtime error. “The program froze on the screen and then just took an abnormal exit, I have no idea what could of caused it” said the […]

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After a tense, two-hour discussion on a variety of pressing political issues, the venerable Scat Master “Bee Bop” Johnson summarized the proceedings by stating, “Woo doo bop, shoo bop di wop wop zinga zoom baah.” After such a display of eloquence, the conference room in which the discussions were held fell silent […]

THE KITCHEN – In a display of principle and conviction, sources indicate that unless Mom extends TV time until 5:30p.m, 7-year old Bennett Schiffman will hold his breath until he dies. “Frankly, I was shocked” said Bennett’s mother, while fixing him and his friends a nice snack. “I knew he loved TV, but I didn’t […]

Valentine’s Day 2017 is filled with dread for a certain long neglected Georgetown University Work Order, who faces yet another February 14th alone. The disinterest of the facilities department stings the worst during the Valentine’s season, bringing up nostalgia for the bygone days of chivalry when maintenance requests were treated with compassion and respect. We are all reminded of […]

CAPITOL HILL – Gridlock continues for a third straight day in the Capitol as senators huddle around Lindsay Graham’s computer hoping to find out their next move. “We have a tight situation,” remarked Virginia Senator, Mark Warner. “We’re here trying to get the business of the nation done, but until Sarah posts her next status […]

Ever since the Inauguration of Our 45th President, Donald J. Trump, the nation has been shaken by protests against our fairly elected president (yes, liberals, the Electoral College is fair! We are Republic, not a Democracy, so working the system to get our man at the top is legal! Deal with it!).  In particular, the […]

Washington D.C. – Multiple sources are reporting today that 83 year old Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has decided to leave the safety of the courthouse and descend the long and icy staircase outside without even using the railing. “Oh god, she’s still got fifty stairs left to go. Even for a young person […]