Only hath we seen six new years pass round since our hero’s death, Yet ye sinners hath already forgotten him and returned to lechery. Thus, I return ye now to that day, upon which we found him dead In his corral.   Lonesome George they called him; And yet how lonesome is he now, sinners?! […]

He’s done it again. Your careless housemate, Brad, has left all of his dirty dishes in the sink. You’ve told him time and time again that this is unacceptable, sent countless text messages, and even wrote a passive aggressive email and cc’d ALL your housemates, even though you were clearly talking just about Brad. Nothing […]

I simply do not believe it: It has been 14 years since the classic comedy-adventure movie ‘Holes’ was first released. Wow. So much has happened in that time! Let’s check back in on the most memorable holes of the movie and see what they’re up to today.     Looking good, man! Believe it or […]

GEORGETOWN, DC President DeGioia delivered a dramatic speech last night, announcing the founding of Georgetown’s fifth school. Adjusting what appeared to be a handmade tissue paper crown, DeGioia revealed that the college would be focused on “the core tenets of a literal arts education”. DeGioia went on to detail the majors that would be included […]

Having trouble ignoring all of this pointless hype about the possible baby between Travis Scott and Kylie Kardashian? Want something important and substantive to focus on? Don’t want to subsume to popular dribble? Fear not, here’s some helpful tips to avoid thinking about the new Kardashian baby. Try mulling over the drama around the Iran […]

LOS ANGELES? – Did you have the audacity to assume that baseball might be over by now? Could you even conceive of the fact that there might still be more baseball? Well it’s time to get your head out of your ass and embrace reality because according to all available reports, baseball is going to […]

UNITED STATES – After sending out emails this morning that had yet to be responded to by mid-afternoon, the nation’s moms announced via text that they were just checking in to see if everything was OK. “Do you need anything?” wrote Sheryl Bates, one of the many millions of moms, from her living room, “I […]

Sharing space can be tricky sometimes—especially when your roommate needs the room for a romantic rendezvous. It’s the right thing to do to give your roommate the space she needs, but sometimes it can be hard to fill the time. Here are some suggestions for fun activities that will make this inconvenience fly by.   […]

5 Photos of Washington, D.C. in Autumn That Sinners Like Us Don’t Deserve WASHINGTON – That magical time of year is nearly upon us in the District of Columbia, when the crisp, rejuvenating fall air blows in and the foliage begins its breathtaking transition into autumnal color. It’s the perfect time for Georgetown students to […]