RED SQUARE – Yikes! Most of the student body was confused and made to feel at least a bit icky upon entering Red Square this past week, as GU Right to Life once again spent their free time writing odd, cryptic messages on the ground instead of, say, preventing abortions by giving out condoms, helping […]

Being gay is awesome and being gay at Georgetown is awesome too. Gay people like a lot of things and that’s pretty cool. Some gay people like other people and two great places to find them are Red Square outside the ICC or in the Lauinger Library. There are male people there and female people […]

BURLEITH – Woe is me! Each day a new suffering spews forth from an evergreen font of toil, burdening my weary shoulders. Ouch! Ouch, I say! I am burdened with pains unworldly upon my battle-maimed back. A shocking series of tortures has left my mind in disarray; my inner sanctum invaded by the soldiers of […]

Animal Farm by George Orwell is a mind-bending parable that makes the reader think about issues that go far deeper than a cursory reading of the novel’s text might suggest. While initially unclear, by the end of the novel the allegorical nature of Orwell’s phenomenal work of fiction is revealed. Although it took me longer […]

SOUP LOVERS BEWARE: Soup is, indeed, after much deliberation, gross. The Heckler advises you to stay away until further notice. The age-old debate of “Soup or Salad” has long weighed heavy on the common man. Whether it be miso, chicken, or minestrone, soup is a wet sloppy mess that should only be enjoyed by those […]

I’m so sick of all this false advertising. I joined Hoya Snaps to bring Eight to the Bar on a Boogie-Woogie piano. I wanted to show I’m a real finger zinger on the brass and I got the chops to play with the cool cats. But no. “Hoya Snaps” has nothing to do with jazz. […]

A recently uncovered photoset of president Norman Oldguy is raising questions about the presidential frontrunner’s ability to assume the position. Currently polling 78% across the country with 100% favorability in Pennsylvania AND Transylvania, Oldguy has practically been taking his victory lap around the country. Photos of future president Oldguy eating at a Taco Bell near […]

ROSSLYN – An unassuming Thursday afternoon of family bonding led to one of the greatest war-history discoveries of the modern era. While looking through his father’s old World War II memorabilia, Connor Potter stumbled upon a tarnished old locket with his mother’s initials engraved on the side. When he opened the locket, however, he was […]

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With 450 toilets and 7000 undergraduate students, Georgetown ranks 5th in the Big Ten for toilets per capita. This has to change. Georgetown students do not have enough places to relieve themselves on campus, although I have never once accidentally urinated in my trousers in my history discussion section.   I speak exclusively for those […]