YATES FIELD HOUSE— Athletic Department officials at Yates Field House told reporters today that the approximate waiting time for a treadmill at the gym was now four years. With the addition of several dozen underclassman females this weekend, the line finally broke the four year mark and offered new testimony to Georgetown’s health crazed campus. […]
HENLE 44— As the news of the diagnosis of the first case of ebola on American soil, a feeling relief swept through Henle 44 and through David Cartwright (MSB ’17) who has “been having a really rough go about it this semester” in the classroom. After a particularly brutal first few midterms in Elements of […]
THE INTERNET — Early developments have reached the Heckler that an anonymous individual is upset about something on Georgetown Confessions. As early 6 p.m. reports were coming in that a particular post on Georgetown Confessions had a negative tone. While it is still unclear what the content of the post contains, experts are surmising that […]
REISS 284 — Following Professor Howard Feinstein’s Theology in the Third World, students emerged rattled and shaken from the two hour Catholic Studies seminar in the Reiss classroom after Howard uttered a deadly seven word phrase. While the 300-level course initially hummed along in its first hour, Feinstein paused conversation as he transitioned topics to […]
NEW SOUTH — Less than three weeks after the opening of the Healey Family Student Center, sectarian strife among students has gripped much of the area surrounding Library Walk and Prospect Street over rights to nickname the new facility. Following failure from central administration figures to bestow a catchy nickname to the student center, for […]
N Street — At 11:54 p.m. in a townhouse party on Friday evening Ryan Martinez (COL ’16) took a miscalculated trip to refill his drink leaving behind unstable social structures ripe to collapse. Just three minutes prior Martinez, already engaged in conversation with Dimitri Isaac (COL ’16), had motioned for friend Harry Akins (SFS ’16) […]
DUPONT — Digital Media Strategies intern Colin Meyers (MSB ’16) unveiled a cutting edge new supervisor radar designed to help him navigate the complex and dangerous office environment. Meyers described the weeks of development that went into the new technology as a “monumental” investment. “Well I know that Selena, my boss, always wears this heavy bracelet […]
Leavey Center — Take Back the Night, the University-sponsored student group promoting a safe environment for all after dark, has pledged to end night time once and for all. In a seventeen minute video released on the groups’ website this morning the self-proclaimed “messiah” of the group and Assistant Vice President of Student Affairs Bridget […]