VILLAGE A — Braving an exposed position in the downpour on Wednesday afternoon, sophomore Tanner Towes (SFS ’17) announced that he was successfully able showcase his unceasing wit in spite of potentially technologically-deadly conditions. Risking permanently damaging his two-week old $599 iPhone 6, Towes reported delivering the 83 character message to his 59 twitter followers […]
LXR — Citing two full months of absence from his newsfeed, sophomore George Sandson (MSB ’17) told reporters he was “about ready” to abandon the notion that he would be nominated for the ice bucket challenge. Holding out hope for more than 70 days that a friend, relative, former significant other, acquaintance, or person he […]
LAU 2 — With an iPhone holding less than 2% of its battery and his charger several blocks away, Junior Hayden Dumeir (COL ’16) told reporters that he will be temporarily lifting most parameters for friendship. Reneging most core requirements such as mutual interests or sense of humor, Dumeir said that although “nothing is final […]
Dear Guy Who Almost Had a Threesome, My midterm season is looking really brutal. I have three midterms next week and after this weekend I realize that I am not prepared for any of them! On top of my job and clubs I just don’t think I can be ready. Is it acceptable to ask […]
MUNICH — Junior Andrew Banster reported on Saturday that his Oktoberfest excursion hit a snag when he ran into a non-English speaker. Banster, who in his two months studying abroad in Copenhagen had never encountered someone whose English was less than proficient, was initially unsure how to proceed after asking the man for a picture. […]
M STEET — With weekly highs predicted to hover in the low 60s this weekend, Georgetown betches unanimously expressed worry that the transition into jacket season was occurring too rapidly. With summer temperatures stretching into mid-September, an early onset of cold temperatures has left the vast majority of “super cute” light cardigans unused. Calling it […]
HARBIN — A recently-released report from the Georgetown Office of Sustainability projected that by 2065 flyers will make Georgetown’s main campus uninhabitable. While applauding the noble and selfless efforts of campus facilities to combat the issue, the report finds that over the past quarter century the level of flyering on Georgetown’s campus has surged some […]