Hear ye, hear ye! We, The Board of Directors of The Georgetown Heckler (who?!), are happy to announce that we have officially decided to expand our business into the storage realm (what??).  Given the ever-present need amongst the Georgetown student body for summer storage, The Heckler has decided to convert our offices into make-shift storage […]

Dear students,  It is I ––Associate Vice President, University Registrar, and the real mover and shaker of Georgetown admin – Annamarie Bianco. We live in incomprehensible times, so of course, it was essential to ensure that our class registration system is equally as incomprehensible. To celebrate the first day of undergraduate registration and the thirst […]

¡Hola! Pues, esto es un cambio de aire apreciado. Este titular (y artículo (!)), están en español. ¿Por qué? ¡Por qué no!  Normalmente, nuestros artículos están escritos en inglés, pero creo que necesitamos incluir más contenido plurilingüe. ¿Sabía que hay escritores hispanohablantes en el Heckler?  Eso es todo. Solamente quería expresar este mensaje importante. Le […]

PENTAGON CITY, VA — Every year, the ridiculously shaped and aptly named Department of Defense headquarters draws tens of confused tourists looking for the Pentagon City Mall and dozens of military-industrial complex hopefuls to its spooky doors. No visitor was quite so moved as an unidentified man this Thursday who caused quite the ruckus.  “WTF! […]

“Hej! Hjälp mig!”  I call out to the infinite streams of smiling customers constantly, but they are too awestruck and overstimulated by the impeccable environment of Scandinavian design and innovation to notice my predicament. A LOMMARP here, a KALKGRUND there–a blue glass SVARTSJÖN catches the eye and they’re off to the next fun-filled showroom.  Believe […]

It happens to everyone. But not as badly as it happened to Andy Lewis (COL ‘21) the other day in the ICC Galleria.  “Our TA literally looks like some kind of morphed Jake Gyllenhall,” his friend Julia joked, gesturing towards Andy as if to ask for his confirmation. Ha. He kind of does, thought Andy, […]

Some people are just immediately unlikable. I find this to be especially true of elitists. It’s so sad when people feel the need to justify their intelligence or prove how special they are in gaudy performative shows. If you’re self-assured and truly smart, there is no need to flex!  Every time I log into my […]

As I approached the picnic table at the edge of the woods where Jenny was joining me for coffee, I noticed her immediately–her neon complexion and red cashmere scarf painting a beautiful contrast against the dead leaves. She waved a pincer at me. Her warm personality shone as soon as I gently patted her head […]

In a public statement first reported by Financial Times, CNBC, and dozens of awestruck and concerned onlookers this Wednesday, Domino’s Pizza CEO Richard E. Allison, Jr. shocked tasteless, tight-fisted pizza lovers globally. Allison and other top executives delivered the following address from the front steps of the original Domino’s location in Ypsilanti, Michigan: “Thank you […]

SFS students, check your emails! The deans of the Edmund A. Walsh School of Foreign Service have come out with another jam-packed and happening bulletin, full of exciting and relevant information to give our little lives meaning. The BSFS Globe, probably founded following World War I with the realization of the need for more repetitive […]